Always a Saint
by DeviKittyWolfe
Summary: Johnny's POV of the events in Once a Saint. Rated M for Violence, language, and smut. This is your warning.
1. Forward

**So after months of saying I would put up Johnny's POV to "Once a Saint..." I have returned with chapter one of Johnny's POV. Before you start I wanted to give a small heads up.**

 **1\. If you are just coming into the story of Jessie and Gat please take a moment and go read my story Once a Saint first. Yeah I know that's a pain if you found this one first but seriously it is actually important to the story as her POV actually starts from just before the rescue.**

 **2\. I do know that what I have Johnny imagined as is probably not the same as those reading. Please don't bring up that he is Out of character because I already know.**

 **3\. Please feel free to leave reviews and even messages straight to my inbox about this story.**

 **4\. Ok this is a bit more important. I will at some point do a story, once this is done, of Gat Outta Hell. I just need to beat it first.**

 **5\. Yes I changed Jessie's eye color. Yes I will be fixing it in Once a Saint.**


	2. Chapter 1

"Aisha! Behind you!"

He heard his own voice, though could not even feel his lips move to make the sounds. Again? How much longer could he take this fucked up mind prison? He already knew what would happen, having lived it so many times. He heard Aisha's cry for help and Warren Williams' laughter, then felt himself move forward out the door of Purgatory. He made himself reach for the hope that he would actually reach the Aisha copy this time, finally see if it would release him from this helplessness he had to relive so often. As he felt his muscles flex in the stupid 16 bit fighting game style he caught a glimpse of someone else close to him. Familiar black tresses, purple highlights glinting in the light first broke his thoughts before he fully realized what he was seeing. Silver eyes, framed with long lashes unable to be seen in the hell he was living, stared back at him as the Boss of the Third Street Saints took in the side scroller he had been forced to live in for so many years. He opened his mouth to attempt to say her name, his mind not fully believing what he was seeing then felt his lips forming words he had said millions of times already, only modified because of the second player. "Warren Williams took Aisha! We have to get to Vice Kings HQ and get her back!"

The face, so low rez that he was lucky he could recognize it, frowned but nodded and started off. She hadn't changed a bit, still too willing to throw herself into the fire for others. Jessie, the one woman who had been his true leash when he was on Earth, the one he had continued to hope he could escape for. He followed behind her, old habits taking precedence over whatever programming the prison had, his large knives in hand as he watched her back just like old times. For all he knew this was that creepy fucked up alien's new way of tormenting him, showing him the reason he kept rushing through this demented beat 'em up, but he found he didn't care. Whether it was programming or the real Jessie he wasn't letting anything get through to hurt her. His body on auto pilot he allowed himself to remember when he found out that the twiggy little fucker that had been helping him against the Vice Kings was actually a little 17 year old chic. If he could have smiled at that moment he would have, as the memory of her shocked expression when she opened the door flashed through his mind.

 _ **Misty Lane suburb, Stilwater, USA 2003**_

 _"_ _What the fuck? Johnny what the hell are you doing here?" the tiny little female in front of Johnny squeaked out, her hand lashing out and yanking him inside the small suburban home he had just been pounding on moments before. The wide silver eyes looked so familiar but he was too shocked by the force in the girl's grip and the fact she knew who he was to place it. He watched as she stuck her head out the door and looked around before slamming the thick wooden door and turning to him. The anger on her face melted quickly into amusement as she began laughing at him, causing the gang member to realize his shock was clear on his normally inexpressive face. "Good gods you can be dumb. How the fuck did you find this place anyways?"_

 _Even as the small teen girl spoke, still laughing at him as if he were just some normal person, her body turned and walked off, leaving him to follow her into a very spacious kitchen. A center island with pots hanging over it took precedence in the center of the room, three bar-stools against the outside showing why no table also sat in the room.. His eyebrow raised, more confused than he had been when he followed the new kid, hoping to discover why boy kept disappearing for three or more days at a time. "Who the fuck are you? And where the fuck is the dude I am looking for?"_

 _"_ _I'm that dude, dumbass." came the girl's reply as she reached into the shiny newer model metal fridge and pulled out two bottles, one beer and one Coke. She handed off the beer to him then hopped onto one of the bar-stools, cracking open her soda once she had settled. Johnny cracked open the beer and leaned against the counter top, pointing the open end of the bottle at the dark hair female before him. "No you are a fucking teen girl who should be at a mall. The motherfucker I am looking for may be a fucking shrimp but last I checked he didn't have tits and I swear the fucker is a mute."_

 _He watched as those strange silver eyes rolled at his words before the girl reached into the over-sized pockets on her jogging pants, her hand returning from the cloth holding a very familiar .44 mag. She placed it on the counter, a smug look on her face as she motioned to it with the hand holding her soda. "I am sure you can recognize gifts Johnny. You and Aisha bought that cause Aisha got a hold of my private cell and found out my birthday had just passed. Has a scuff near the inscription she had put on it from when I hit that wall when we took down the Kings that were in that abandoned police station."_

 _Johnny picked up the gun, his thumb sliding over the inscription 'Once a Saint, Always a Saint', the memory of convincing Eesh that the gun was a better gift than half the stuff she suggested flooding his mind. He had actually chosen the inscription, wanting the new kid to always remember that once he was in he was always gonna be in. He noted the scuff on grip, remembering how the little mute kid had hit the wall when one of the Kings had charged him, the kid pulling his arms to his chest to keep from dropping his weapon but causing the metal to scrape against the hard stone of the wall instead of his body. His eyes lifted to the girl before him, his mind finally placing those silver eyes as the same silver eyes that always stared intently at him when he briefed the kid on their next job. A smirk played on the teen's face, though the tension in her shoulders gave away her readying herself to fight. The thought made him want to smile, a smile he knew better than to let show._

 _Johnny took a long drink from the beer, giving himself a moment to study the girl, noting the bare feet sticking from below the cuffs of the pants, the pale flesh of her midriff, the decently big breasts barely contained in the sports bra she wore. The long black hair she had flowed around her shoulders, though he could see the imprint of where a rubber band had recently held the soft looking strands back. He knew she was telling the truth, her tension and those eyes gave that much away. His mind couldn't put the two sides of her together, however. This small curvy girl just didn't seem like the type to do what he had seen the new kid pull off. From explosions to gunning down gang members from the Vice Kings, the new kid had shown promise as a killer, albeit one with a conscience. "Bullshit. This is bullshit. If you are him how the hell do you hide tits like those? And seriously this shit seems like some weird Twilight Zone bullshit."_

 _He watched as the teen rolled her eyes and reached for the gun, only to have him pull it away from her grasp. A very familiar flash of anger lit those silver eyes as the girl, slammed her Coke bottle onto the cabinet. "Listen here motherfucker. I might be a 17 year old but I ain't some rich kid looking for a fucking thrill. I work for my brother doing some shit where I gotta look like a dude. I bind my fucking tits and don't speak unless necessary. Don't fucking give me that 'this is bullshit' crap either. Even Aisha knows I am a chic. And considering I have saved your goddamned ass more than once I think I deserve more respect than this shit. And how the fuck did you find out where I live anyways? Lin and Aisha don't know where my family lives just so you, Troy and Dex can't fucking find out this shit."_

 _At the mention of Lin Johnny's jaw dropped, his eyes widening slightly at the implications. Lin wasn't supposed to contact anyone outside of giving info to fuck up the Rollerz. If Lin was talking to this teen girl, who he now fully believed, both of them were endangering themselves. He placed the gun on the counter slowly, his eyes on the girl's face to gauge her reaction to the information she had just given him. He wasn't disappointed, the teen's face showing embarrassment and more than a little worry._ _Good. She knew she shouldn't putting Lin on blast like that, especially in an area like this. He watched the girl grab the gun, shoving it in her pocket with a speed that proved how much she had upset herself. Johnny looked away from the girl to the beer in his hand, thinking out his words, knwing he shouldn't fuck this up. The kid was a good shot, a great back up, and a decent leader. Anything he said now needed to let her know that he thought that while also making sure he set some ground rules. Taking a deep breath he looked back at her, a small smirk crossing his lips._

 _"_ _Ok... First ….. I followed your dumb ass and waited for that other guy to leave. Second I believe you. Lin needs to be careful if she is chatting you up in public though. Lastly... what the fuck are you gonna do if you slip up and speak? Cause eventually you are gonna wanna say something to something. What the fuck are you gonna do then?" Johnny said everything calmly,his tone startling the teen girl to glance up in surprise. He knew his face gave away nothing, a skill he learned from so many years on the Row. The girl suddenly smiled, the grin as mischievous as the look in her eyes as she motioned to the overly nice house they stood in."Does this look like a place that my family has no connections period? Dude my brother knows someone in Ultor that is working on some voice changer thing. He took my favorite pendant to be used to make a necklace that will make my voice sound masculine instead of... Well you can hear me. I sound like a phone sex operator."_

 _Johnny nodded again and leaned on the counter, making the teen lean over on the stool she sat on a bit. His sunglasses slipped down his nose, letting them make full eye contact for the first time. He had a need he couldn't describe, even if he wanted to. He needed this girl to realize how much she was putting on the line, needed her to know to be careful. He didn't understand himself at this moment but he always followed his gut and he knew he needed to do this."Look I ain't gonna say I am all fucking for this. You are kid and a girl. But... I can see you wanna keep fucking do what you do. You are almost as good as me at killing motherfuckers and you are talented at leading the people that follow your dumb mute ass. So here's the deal. You keep it a secret from everyone else and I will back you all the fucking way. That means if the fucking tech thing your brother is getting you fucks up you don't fucking talk got me? I am not gonna be able to save you from yourself if you let it out around Dex or Troy. I especially won't be able to save your dumbass if one of the guys that can't go up in the ranks finds out that the new star of the Saints is a girl and tries to off you outta spite."_

 _The girl laughed, the sound oddly reassuring to the more hardened gang member, as she shook her head at him. "Johnny you worry about Aisha and getting out of trouble with her. I got this."_

 _Johnny stood, satisfied with her answer for now, and headed to the door with his beer still in hand. He paused at the door then turned slightly, looking over his shoulder with his head cocked to the side. "Ok I gotta ask...now that I know you are a chic and all... What the fuck is your name?"_

 _"_ _My name is Jessie. You better remember it too. I ain't saying it again and I wanna keep my privacy for my brother's sake."Once again laughter filled the air as the girl grinned at him, her amusement making her silver eyes gleam. With a nod and a laugh Johnny turned from her, heading out into the bright Stilwater afternoon._


	3. Chapter 2

**(Just as a warning this chapter is ONLY going to be the present day and the next will be one for the memory. This is because the memory ended up a bit longer than it was when I wrote it for Jessie and I didn't want an overly long Chapter. If there are complaints in the future I will Change it but till then this is only for Present day. Thanks for reading and don't forget to follow/fave and leave reviews.)**

 **Present day, Zin MotherShip**

The memories of his finding out about Jessie being a woman left him just as he heard the voice of Eesh saying those words that still stabbed into his chest. "Johnny! It's a trap!"

He felt his body run forward, no matter how much he wanted to stay back, how much he didn't want to see the death of Aisha for the millionth time. In his mind it was only because the world around him was so low res that the death was no longer as painful, his mind no longer seeing Aisha but a blob of pixels with smudged looking pixelated blood around it. His lips parted and he heard the pained cry that cleared his throat, one he no longer fully felt the pain within for. Once again breaking the script that his body seemed to be focused on his ears heard the sound of Jessie speaking, her voice seeming to be distorted by the hell he was living. "No no no... It's not going down like that. Kinzie can you reset this thing?"

"Theoretically it should be possible. Each simulation is an isolated instance." Came a voice he didn't know, making him wish he could look around. Jessie, as impatient as she always was made a waving gesture that kind of looked as though she was trying to hurry the voice up. "I don't need to know how it works Kinzie. Just do it."

"One second... Aaaand here we go. That should do it."

Suddenly he found himself at the door of Aisha's low res house, calling out to her. Suddenly Jessie pushed past him before he finished, doing a flying kick that took out Jyunichi before he could take off Eesh's head again. As efficient as she had been when he last saw her Jess untied Aisha and pointed to the door. The character ran towards him and he felt his body suddenly moving forward as he watched that punk Jyunichi stand up once again. Jessie moved behind him, a smirk showing even on her pixelated face as she readied herself. "Time for your payback finally Johnny."

He glanced back at her before twirling his Bowie knives and running at the simulated version of Jyunichi, a sadistic smile crossing his lips. He didn't care what his mouth said for no fucking reason. He didn't care about the fact that he could get himself killed when Jyunichi became super powered. All he cared about was his closure, his revenge against the bastard. The damn thing kept targeting Jessie as well, something that Johnny wasn't about to allow to happen. The odds had finally been evened in this torture porn and he was about to finally take out this bastard, the feeling that he would finally get full closure pumping adrenaline through him as he moved. The moment the body hit the floor he grinned at Jessie, something that helped her know he was himself once again.

"You with me Johnny?"

"Yeah... Yeah I am."

"Hang tight. We're coming to get you."

"Wait we? Who the fuck is we?"

"The Saints."

Hearing the Saints, what little that Jessie probably had saved so far, were coming to get him made him smile. He looked over to the body of the thing he had thought was his key out of this place then kicked it. For some reason he felt the urge to look back at Jessie as she talked to the invisible voice about how they would do things before he and Jess were pulled out of his mind. As he watched her his mind went to the memories of the past, his mind on a few weeks after the real Jyunichi had died and he had been broke out of the hospital while the Ronin attacked in hopes of killing him off. Jessie had been avoiding him, and most of the others unless they called or texted about the various jobs against the other gangs. He had finally spotted her walking to the private room for just her and decided it was time they had a talk, even if the hideout wasn't really the best place for such talks.


	4. Chapter 3

_**Purgatory, Stilwater, USA 2006**_

 _Johnny sighed as he looked across the crowd of Saints that were milling around, not seeing the one he wanted to see. Jessie, leader of the Saints now, had been avoiding everyone lately, even going as far as to avoid him. He had been by her side for too damn long to be avoided like this so he knew something was up, and unlike with the other Saints from the original crew he knew whatever had Jess hiding was something to do with Carlos and Eesh. Just then he saw the black and purple hair, curving around a pale face with dark sunglasses walk into the open air office above the ground floor. He watched as the the leather bound woman gave out orders to a few guys before turning to leave, the motion spurning Johnny into action. He started for the stairs, his eyes on Jessie as she walked to the hall that lead to only two places, outside or her private room, when suddenly a hacky sack came flying at his head. Quick reflexes had he snatch the soft ball from mid air, his head turning to look at Shaundi and her normal crew of misfits that mostly were intellectuals who got too high for their own good._

 _"_ _Oops sorry Gat. That was a wild kick." Shaundi called before she headed towards him, one hand out stretched for the ball. Johnny rolled his eyes before tossing the ball at Shaundi, his eyes glancing up to see that Jessie was no where to be seen. The young stoned moved closer, one eyebrow raising as a smirk played on her lips. "Trying to catch the Boss before she disappears again?"_

 _"_ _Trying being the best word to use. Not exactly in the best shape to run after all." He answered her distractedly before realizing who he was telling this to. His eyes glance sharply at the girl beside him, his eyes telling a silent command that had Shaundi raising her hands defensively._

 _"_ _Yo no worries about me telling people how you are willing to chase after Boss. I will just go back to my hacky sack." With that she smiled at him and walked off, tossing the cloth ball at one of the others. Johnny sighed then headed up the stairs, hoping she was in her private room and hadn't took off out of the building yet. Pushing open the door he found her on the bed, her old beat up guitar in hands. As beat up as the instrument was he knew how well she cared for it, having watched her replacing strings and carefully shining the wood._

 _"_ _I was wondering where your bitch ass was. I saw you come in then Shaundi kicked that fucking hacky sack at my head." he said to her, hiding his smile as she startled and looked up to him. He closed the door behind him, missing her own smirk at his respect of her privacy. Ever since the incident from when she was just the kid he taught how to be a banger he had shown some respect to her privacy. He never told anyone anything he knew she would want to hide and when she came in here to play he always closed the door behind him. He turned around to see her lowering her head once again, hiding her smirk with her hair as she went back to strumming her guitar. "Not my fault I seem to be the only fucking person who isn't a goddamned diva around here."_

 _Johnny let out a laugh, the sound cut off by a groan that had Jessie's head snapping up to look at him with wide eyes. He made a face at her, rubbing the spot where the sword Jyunichi had stabbed him unconsciously. Whether he liked to admit it or not, which he never would to anyone even Jessie, he wasn't invulnerable. The soreness he felt when laughing or lifting shit heavier than a pistol was a good reminder of that. He sat beside her and elbowed her side gently, his head shaking some as he looked to the younger woman."Fucking A Jess. I'm fine. Stop freaking out every time I say ow. Gun shot wounds aren't as sore as swords wounds is all. I am alive and I'm not gonna die from laughing."_

 _He watched as she rolled her eyes at him, wanting to smile at how little she had changed even after cheating death like she had. He knew the constant deaths that followed the Saints, from members like Lin and Carlos to innocent bystanders or now Eesh, got to the open hearted girl beside him. He had known her for too long not to see that she hid a lot of the pain, a lot of the guilt at every member of the Saints that died under her watch. That being said she had changed some lately. She avoided him, she didn't take others with her, and she looked like hell as if she wasn't sleeping right. He watched as she licked her lips, her hands moving as if to distract herself from the conversation, a new sign something had changed recently. "Fuck off Johnny. You know damned well it ain't that fucking easy to forget a day like that. Anyways I'm a chic. I get to worry and you can't say shit."_

 _Her words hit him like a ton of bricks, the feeling that a wall was now between them eating at him. What the hell had happened to his Jessie, the one who told him every feeling she had? The one he knew would come to him about anything? Johnny reached over and pulled the instrument from her hands, forcing her to look at him angered that she was pushing him away like this. He had no clue why it angered him but he always had worked by following his instincts and he was sure as hell not going to let her push her away like this. He watched as the glare she started with faded away, wanting to flinch as he saw a bit of confusion and fear filled her eyes. He knew he usually let her slide on shit but this was different. She was hiding from him and he wasn't gonna deal with it. He paused for a moment, gathering what he wanted to say so he wouldn't say it wrong before his lips parted. "Don't fucking give me that shit Jess. Especially not any of that 'I'm a chic' lying bullshit. You ain't some prissy diva or like Shaundi where you are smart but usually too fucked up to use those smarts. Using that excuse is fucking stupid. I don't know why you have felt like you need to avoid me and lie lately but I am fucking tired of it. You used to be a silent motherfucker with everyone but me. Now I have to basically stay here and wait near this fucking room just to fucking talk to you for five fucking minutes. What the fuck is your issue?"_

 _As he let everything out he watched as she bounced up from her seat on the bed, her long legs having her pace as she listened to his words. He was generally confused by how she pushed him away since Aisha's death, not even taking the time to wave at him anymore when she did a stop by the hideout. After a few moments she paused, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip in a way that looked painful to even him before she finally responded. "Look... I dunno ok. I dunno what to tell you. I... I just don't wanna lose anyone else ok? I think...I think I have lost enough people... and I don't need..."_

 _She was lying. He knew her well enough after all these years to know that, his body off the bed and grabbing her by the chin with his right hand before he even realized he had moved. His left rose to pull his sunglasses from his face, his dark brown eyes staring into her silver ones with one of the most serious looks he had ever given her. "Don't fucking lie to me Jess. I have known you too fucking long to be getting lies from you. Don't fucking disrespect me like that."_

 _Johnny watched as the young leader's eyes narrowed, a look he had only seen when she was pissed at someone. The trembling of her chin in his hand and the way it seemed to bleed away into tears told him there was much more than that going on in her head. Her hands lifted and beat against his chest, the soreness of the sword wound not hurting him as much as seeing such sadness on her face."Fuck you Gat! The fuck do you know about how I felt seeing Aisha laying there and you fucking bleeding out on me? The fuck do you know about how long I stayed by your side in the goddamned hospital, praying your dumbass would make it?... I fucking care enough n...not to go through that again... I can't go through that again Johnny..."_

 _As her words trailed off her released her face, pulling her into his arms in a gentle hold. One hand rose to stroke her hair as she cried against his chest, his mind spinning a bit with what she had told him. She stayed beside him in the hospital? Why hadn't anyone told him? He was sure since no one had it was because she hadn't even told anyone else until now. The bigger thought was the rest of her words. Jessie cared about him. Johnny couldn't wrap his mind around that, not considering how long she had just been 'that kid' to him. The admission had him looking over their time together, seeing where she had shown her feelings towards him and when he stopped seeing her as a kid and started seeing her as a woman. The train of thought had a new realization that left him more reeling even as Jessie moved away from and turned to the mirror in the room. He had started falling for her. He didn't know when or how but he knew he had some feelings for her. Those feelings battled in his mind with the guilt and sadness of losing Eesh, the only woman who had put up with his shit since middle school. He looked at the woman fixing her makeup, his hand lifting to slide his sunglasses into place on his face. He could see her glancing at him in the mirror and knew that her admission, whether meant or not, needed a response._

 _"_ _Jess... I... fuck man... I fucking care about you too ok? But I just lost Eesh... I … Fuck, you know what I am trying to say Jess. Look no matter what I am by your side ok? Death ain't gonna claim me that fucking easily. So …. Just stop hiding from me Jess. That's all I ask ok?" With that Johnny turned and left, not giving her any time to think out a response, honest or not. As he closed the door behind him he heard the muffled sound of something hitting the wall, a sigh leaving his chest for the third time today._


	5. Chapter 4

(So as a warning for those who read Once A Saint. Since most of my story with Jessie was from her perspective I dropped off ideas that I added to Johnny's POV. That being said from here on the memories will have added stuff and I am gonna have to seperate them from present day in the chapters because of the lengths of both. Same memories but more stuff in them. Especially starting from the next chapter.)

 **Present Day, Zin Mothership**

As his mind left the memories once again he felt a pull he hadn't felt before. Within moments he found his real eyes opening, the world tinged a sickly orange color. His mind pieced together he was floating in something but just as he thought it he saw movement below him. The sounds of a muted siren sounded through the glass as aliens formed ranks around and below the large container he floated in, all armed with large guns. His lips spread into a dark smirk as he realized if he moved they would shoot. Instantly he shifted to the right and back then forward to the left, forcing the aliens to open fire and break his containment without actually hitting him. The liquid around him flooded out, leaving him to drop to the floor of his containment with a cough as the vile fluid that had built up in his mouth and nose choked his first breaths. Adrenaline kept him from being too bothered by the queasiness he felt, his body going into action as he lifted himself up and leapt the the floor outside his containment. His eyes caught sight of the closest Zin to him, his body moving with reflexes he had honed being a Saint as he grabbed it's gun and forced it into being a body shield. Quickly he fired on the rest in front of him and to his immediate sides, his mind focused on killing those close then finding a place where he would have an advantage rather than being out in the open.

His eyes spotted a door a bit away and slowly he started for it, killing any Zin that popped their heads out as he moved with clear headshots. Soon as he hit a hallway the gun in his hand ran out of ammo, the clicking making him swear before snapping the neck of the alien he held. He ran for the doorway, dodging laser blasts aimed at him. Bare feet skidded along the metal floor as he went around a corner, his eyes searching for things to use as a weapon. It didn't take long for Johnny to find a long metal pipe, his smile returning as he hefted it and did a few practice swings before he turned to look at the door. He went back into the hallway, ready to kill more Zin for a bit. He knew Jessie wouldn't move slow, not if he or another Saint were out numbered, and he wanted to punish these fucks for holding him away from her for so long.

One by one Zin fell as they came around the corner, Johnny letting out a laugh as he hit one hard enough to make it spin. Just as he was about to go out of the hallway to the main room he saw the door seal itself, his eyebrow raising. Carefully he listened to the announcement the head fuck Zinyak had going, a low growl leaving him as he realized they had Jessie trapped in the original room he had been in. He swore softly under his breath and turned around, his feet slapping against the ground as he ran back down the hall in hopes of finding a way around. Instead he ran into a group that were waiting for him, their guns raising as he turned the corner. His eyes caught the glint of light reflecting off the pair of sunglasses resting on the head of one of the Zin. His eyes narrowed as he recognized the pair, his head rolling as he cracked his neck. "Oh hell no... You fucks already earned this beating but those are mine."

As he spoke he lifted the pole to point at the one wearing his sunglasses, a pair that Jessie had given him after the pair had found a new way to bond through her music. That day had left him raw, the memories of Eesh's death as well as Jess pulling away painful at the time. Jess had noticed and bought him the glasses as an apology later on. He wasn't gonna let any alien fuck get away with taking them as a trophy, his body charging forward even as he mentally relived the day he had found her in her 'shrine room' playing to the dead.


	6. Chapter 5

_**Misty Lane, Stilwater, USA 2006**_

 _Johnny pulled into the drive of the nice house in Misty Lane that Jessie's brother lived on, the purr of his engine cutting as he pulled out his cell and texted Shaundi. With Jessie's birthday coming up the crew had decided they needed booze and Shaundi had volunteered him to go and find out what Jessie would want. After a few moments of back and forth with Shaundi, mostly him checking that gifts were actually getting bought instead of drugs, Johnny stepped from his car and headed up to the house. He could tell her brother wasn't home, though the guy had found him interesting and actually gave him a key. Johnny had been surprised when the dude had shown up actually, sure he was about to get his ass kicked for helping Jess be a delinquent, but was actually relived when the guy only wanted to thank him for protecting Jess and to give him a key to the house._

 _He pulled the key from his pocket, unlocking the door quickly and stepping in. Though he visited frequently enough that the neighbors should have gotten used to him he didn't want to give them reason to call the cops on him. As he stepped inside he heard the faint sound of a guitar playing, the sound haunting in its melody. He followed the sound, his footsteps quiet until he found the cracked door that the music came from. Carefully he opened the door, making sure it would make no sound as it swung open. His eyes scanned the nearly empty room, the beanbag in the very center catching his eyes almost immediately. From behind the chair he could only see the neck of the instrument and the top of the dark haired head belonging to the musician. Carefully he started forward, no longer hiding his footsteps so that she would hear him coming closer._

 _The music stopped when he was only feet away from Jessie, his eyes able to catch the slight movement of her hand reaching down to her side. He knew exactly what she reached for, the .44 magnum that he and Eesh had replaced only a couple weeks after she had managed to escape prison then rescue him from death row. The sight made him laugh, the sound leaving him bring her head up. He watched as her expression changed a bit, from anger to amusement at his sudden appearance. "Johnny... how the fuck did you get in my house?"_

 _"_ _Your brother gave me a key actually. What the fuck did you think you were about to do, shoot me? Like that has ever fucking fazed me." was Johnny's reply as he straddled the chair beside the large beanbag she liked to play on. He looked around the room, taking in the pictures of those they had killed and lost as well as the flickering candles beneath them. His eyes paused on the one of Aisha, a recent one that Jessie had managed to get him and her to agree to. It showed all three of them, his arm around Eesh's shoulders and Jessie kneeling between them. He could still remember their laughter at each of the first tries because he had refused to smile at first. He could feel the small ache in his chest as he remembered, a common occurrence since Shogo took Eesh from them. Finally he pulled his gaze away from the mirror, remembering he wasn't here to mourn those he couldn't save. As if she had been waiting for him to look away from Aisha's picture and back to her, Jess's hands lifted to grasp her instrument once again. "Dude most people I meet want me fucking dead. I won't take chances when I hear someone nearby. Why the fuck are you here anyways? Last I checked I got sometime to spend time in mourning before I go and deal with the Sons of Samedi don't I?"_

 _"_ _Don't get all fucking worked up... I came to see if you wanted to go get some booze. I know your 20_ _th_ _is coming up and the crew and I wanna go shopping with you to make sure we at least have a little something you might fucking like. My question is why the fuck are you sitting alone in a room filled with the fucking dead?" Johnny replied to her question as his hand rose to pull his sunglasses down so he could meet her eyes without the darkness of the lenses blocking his eyes. He knew his movements would have her look back up to him, that knowledge allowing him to show her his concern for her. Though she had stopped outright avoiding him she still spent too much time thinking about any who had died. From bystanders to the Saints she blamed herself for every death that had her hand in it and he knew more than anyone that that kind of mentality was unsafe. He watched her swallow hard before her eyes scanned the room walls, the pictures of the dead staring at the pair in the chairs. He waited patiently, knowing she needed the moment to get her words out, even if her eyes watering pulled at his heart in ways he couldn't describe. "I'm here cause I don't want to fucking forget. I need reasons to get better. Better at everything. You know as well as I do Julius was wrong. I took the fucking power cause it was handed to me. I kept it cause I didn't wanna keep causing innocent deaths. Not that it ever fucking helps but hell you gotta try right?"_

 _Her answer was only slightly surprising to the older male, never knowing how much Julius's words had affected his friend. He already knew she meant to make the Saints a protector of the Row and of Stilwater in general, a role she would have succeeded in if Jules hadn't been an idiot and realized every kill she made, every explosion of nearly city blocks, were all his and the other Lt.'s ideas. Jess had been a good Saints soldier, taking orders and never disobeying them. Even when she was in control she let them do the thinking and she did the enacting. It had worked well for everyone, even Johnny. She had taken on things that the others would have not wanted him doing and even made the things she did cost less lives than he would have done. He smiled and playfully ruffled her hair, his mind finding how much she clung to her morals a bit cute for a gang leader. At her sigh he got up from his chair, offering her his hand once he had straightened. "You need some time outta this room. We can hang here if ya want but you gotta stop looking at the fucking past. It will drive ya fucking nuts. Let's go in the living room. I bet you know a good song you could play me."_

 _He watched as she sighed again, this one real enough to make him smirk at her as she took his hand. She could have told him fuck off but that wasn't Jess's way with him and he always took advantage of it. He pulled her up onto her feet, more than a little surprise filling his mind when she stopped the pull from having her body crash against his. Since Eesh's death he had woman of all kinds coming on to him, trying to find any way to touch him or attempt to seduce him, which only got him shutting them down in one way or other. However, since their talk in Purgatory Jess had been more than distant. Once she would randomly hit his arm when she felt he was being stupid or hip check him playfully when they ran into a fire fight to try to be first. Silly things that always made him smile and recently gave him reason to believe that he had started having feeling for the young gangbanger awhile back. Now she seemed to stop herself from doing any of it, from the playful hits to the hip checks to the hugs when she realized he was ok after a fire fight. And now this, holding herself away from him when he pulled her up. He couldn't help the small ping of pain, wondering his words had caused it, but said nothing about it as he followed her out of the room to the living room._

 _Once they were in the room he made a beeline for the recliner, his favorite chair in the house to be honest, and collapsed on it, one leg hanging over the arm of the leather chair. His eyes went to her as she sat on the loveseat, a real smile crossing his lips as he heard her chuckle, despite the fact that it was aimed at his actions. He watched her carefully as she got herself comfortable, her eyes closing to think for a moment before she began playing some Nickleback song. Though he wasn't a fan of the group he found himself bobbing to the sound of her voice and guitar rising through the room. He waited till she was done before stretching himself over the other arm with a playful groan._

 _"_ _You gotta be picking all the fucking sad songs. Punk ass bitch." Johnny complained playfully, smiling as he did a slow clap for her. "Pick something faster."_

 _"_ _Bitch, bitch, bitch." Jessie said before closing her eyes again,her tone giving away how much she wanted to laugh at his poorly lacking acting skills. Almost immediately she started 'Beautiful' by Eminem, the start of it giving him pause. He sat up as she began the intro, waiting for the right moment before he began the rapping section. He watched as her silver eyes opened to watch him as he rapped, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses as he studied her as well. He knew she had no clue about his ability to rap, the so called ability something he didn't brag about. As they finished she smiled at him then paused and let out a squeak. "Oh right! I got you something recently Johnny. I almost forgot."_

 _He paused and raised an eyebrow, a small laugh leaving him as he watched her jump up and go to the fireplace mantle. "Got me something?What the fuck is it?"_

 _"_ _Well with everything going on I thought you could use something to at least make you smile... I know it's not much but you are hard to buy for anyways." She answered as she gave him a a black box with 'Impressions' across the top. He looked at her with a clearly confused look on his face, wondering what spurned this as she plopped back on the couch. As if she read his mind she looked away, staring at the huge bay window behind him. "I was trying to find a good time to give it to you...A lot has been going on... and after you had to see the changes of the shrine room I guess this is as a good of a time as any."_

 _He looked down at the box and opened it to find a black pair of sunglasses, not much different than his own except some gold along the arms of the pair in his hands. He opened the arms to find an inscription on the inside of one side, one that had him smiling despite himself. 'Always a Saint' was printed in some cursive looking print, just large enough to be read but not to be noticed unless the pair wasn't on his face. He pulled off the pair he was wearing before slipping the new pair on with a smirk. "Thanks Jess. Now I have a hidden message I can show off when someone pisses me off."_

 _She laughed at his words, standing to lean her guitar against the wall. "You were right. I need out of the house. Let's go get booze and go to the hangout."_


	7. Chapter 6

**Present Day, Zin Mothership**

Johnny found his memories sliding away just as he snapped the neck of one of the Zin right in the doorway of a room, the one he had been chasing backing away from him slowly. He cracked his neck and knuckles before striding up to the cowering alien, his fist connecting withing the jawline of the fucker wearing his sunglasses. He didn't bother holding back as he kept punching the damned thing, only momentarily looking for his pole. Not seeing it he punched the thing hard enough to knock it on the ground before walking to a pile of pipes. He lifted it in the air, taking a few practice swings with it before walking over to the thing and slamming the end of it down and through the head of the little bastard that was trying to crawl away. He reached down and picked up his property, his eyes jumping to the door as he straighten. A smirk crossed his lips as he saw the one who bought the glasses he had murdered for, his hands slipping them on his eyes to hide any emotions that may be showing through them.

"Fuck yes!" Jessie exclaimed as she went forward, taking Johnny's hand and pulling him into the one armed shake/hug most did, "Johnny what the fuck happened to you?"

Johnny let go of the pipe completely and wrapped her in a real hug, orange goop on him or not. "Let's get the fuck out of here and I will tell you. I also need clothes and a shower first."

She laughed and nodded, motioning for him to follow her as she headed for the door. He kicked the body below him before following her, his eyes sliding over her as she walked ahead of him. His mind noted the sway of her hips as she walked, the image throwing him off a bit. When did she get that kind of swagger to her walk? He was decently sure the Jessie he used to know didn't walk with that much sway, not that he was complaining at the view he was getting. They walked up to a huge mech like thing and she clambered up to hit a button. "Hey Kinzie I got Johnny. Where is the nearest platform for a pick up?"

"Nearest one to you look like it is a bit further ahead. The Zin comms have gone silent after an order of full retreat a moment ago. Gonna guess that was when you found him so we should have a clear landing zone for the moment while they regroup." Came the reply, Jessie motioning for Johnny to climb up with her. A bit of fuss and a couple minutes were spent on adjusting so both of them fit in the one man cockpit before Jess started it forward. "Ok Kinzie. We will have an ETA of ten minutes if we have trouble. Five otherwise."

{Skipping to after shower.}

An hour later he walked into the hang out area of the ship they had, still adjusting the tight suit to accommodate his body better. The legs were fine but he doubted the suit was made for his body shape with the how tight it was on everything but his legs. Honestly the top part was whatever, as long as the zipper didn't catch his skin. It was the tightness of the groin area that bothered him. Just before he reached the room Shaundi came out of it, taking one look at him and snickering. "I'm gonna guess Matt was the one who picked out yours."

"Yeah why?" Johnny asked grumpily, still trying to adjust the damned thing. Shaundi motioned for him to follow her and opened one of the locker looking things to pull out one that was a bit longer in the torso part. "Cause Miller is a dick and gave you something just slightly too short. Doubt it was fully on purpose but still should have checked first."

"Pretty sure that kid is more scared of me than he is of you or the Boss." He told her as he grabbed the longer suit and went back to the bathroom area. Five minutes later he was telling his story as he, Pierce, and Matt played pool. Jessie had started off with them but left after a bit with Shaundi and Kinzie. Johnny had caught something about crate filled with Earth stuff so he figured that was probably why, though he wished she had stayed. Once they all were done fucking around with the pool table King took him aside while Peirce tried to teach Matt some dance moves to music supplied by the floating basketball, CID.

"So playa mind telling me why you been staring at the door when it wasn't your shot?" King asked him softly, proving he noticed what few who were in the Saints noticed even in his last days being with everyone. Johnny leaned against the wall, his eyes glancing at the door even as he shrugged a bit. "A lot of reasons but I am sure your punk ass already knows the main one."

"Playa if you got a thing for her you better move fast. Heard Miller talking about gathering courage to talk to her or Asha." the older man replied, his voice calm and not giving away his actual thoughts. Johnny glanced at the kid in question, who was currently falling on his face, and laughed softly. "That kid ain't got a chance with Boss. No one knows her like I do. I even know what kind of gifts she prefers."

King chuckled, his eyes dancing behind his glasses with his laughter. "Doubt that is gonna matter a lick up here playa. You are right though. I may have known her as long as you have but you still know her better."

Matt, who seemed tired of tripping himself up, looked around and blinked for a moment before looking to the older banger's leaning on the wall. "Any clue what is taking the other girls so long to look through the crates?"

"If I know them well enough I would assume they all found things they liked and are playing around." Asha replied from her corner of the room before standing straight and motioned to the door. "Perhaps we should go and join them?"

Johnny nodded and headed out the door, the others following behind him like he was a leader. Part of him wanted to laugh before remembering that he was still technically Jess's right hand, the only one who would ever be considered that among the Saints. As they walked into the large storage area Johnny paused when he spotted Jessie standing at a crate, her hands on a guitar and her mind elsewhere as she tuned it. Slowly he walked up and leaned against a crate, studying the guitar in the slender woman's hands. It looked much like the one he bought her for her 21st birthday, a gift that took a lot of bribes to make sure people didn't find out.


	8. Chapter 7

_**Stilwater, Purgatory, 2007**_

 _Johnny walked through the throngs of Saint's filling the hideout to the brim, all for the Boss's birthday bash, trying to find the birthday girl herself. Spotting Shaundi he jogged over to the very high woman and tapped her arm, catching her when she nearly fell over. "Yo Shaundi. Where's the Boss?"_

 _"_ _I think she said she was gonna head out and crash at one of her places. Why? What's up?" Shaundi asked as she straightened herself, her hand already reaching for a blunt that was being passed around. Johnny let out a long suffering sigh, looking to the stairs. "Is she taking a cab at least?"_

 _"_ _Hell if I know Gat. She just said that and went up the stairs. If you hurry you probably can catch her. I mean she was kind of wobbly."the stoner replied before sitting down on one of lower rank Saints' lap, passing off the blunt to the guy behind him. Johnny turned away and jogged for the stairs, barely noticing how everyone parted as he came close. In all honesty he never really cared if everyone else was scared of him, as long as Jess never feared him the way the rest of the world did. He made it to the elevator in record time and hit the button, knowing if Jessie was high or drunk enough she would forget they had an elevator and it would get him to her before she did something stupid. Sure enough, as the doors of the elevator parted he spotted her at her Melbourne, putting those gaudy ass hooker shoes she had worn all night into her saddlebags. Stalking over he grabbed her shoulder, nearly growling when he spoke. "Where the hell are you going? You are way too fucking wasted to be driving anywhere."_

 _He felt her jump the moment he touched her but didn't bother feeling any remorse for startling her. He had no idea what possessed her to dress like she did, though he was sure it was because of Shaundi and all night he had to keep every idiot who had one too many from getting close to Jessie who was getting wasted alongside them. Even though he still wasn't fully ready to move on he couldn't stand the thought of one of those wasted assholes laying a finger on Jess. He had a feeling she had noticed him keeping everyone away, as when he started she started drinking more along side smoking a few blunts with the others. Finding her about to get on the roads while so blitzed she could barely walk straight had his anger flaring, though he knew he would never hurt her. She looked up to him with an attempted sweet and innocent look that he didn't buy for a second before she answered him. "I was just gonna go crash out at my place is all. I got like ten of them..."_

 _His mood grew darker as he heard that, wanting to shake her for being so damned stupid. Her 'places' were places the crew crashed when they didn't want to go home, meaning many would be packed tonight with more partying and hookers. Considering the way most of the men had been staring at her he wasn't gonna put money on any of them remembering to keep their hands off her. He waited till she stood up fully before grabbing her by her bicep, pulling her with him as he walked to his custom purple Stilleto. "You ain't going to a place where all these drunk assholes will be later. I am taking you to your brother's house. And don't even fucking argue with me. Trying to drive when you can barely even walk straight... What the fuck are you trying to do? Get your dumb ass killed?"_

 _He was only mildly surprised when she said nothing back as they walked to the passenger side, him opening the door before helping her into the car. Even as mad as he was at her his hands stayed gentle as he made sure she was settled and buckled in before he went to the drivers side. He glanced at her as he climbed in the car, noticing her head lowered to hide her face. The image normally would have shut him up but he found he couldn't stop from grumbling about how reckless she had been all night as he pulled out and started to her brother's place. He was pretty sure she was clueless about how he felt, despite his actions towards her and other men getting near her. It had been just over a year since Eesh had died and he was starting to believe he might be able to finally move on. He wasn't fully ready, even he wasn't dumb enough to believe that, but he knew the time was coming where he would finally let Aisha's memory rest. Which left him to try to keep the only woman he could even think of being with from doing something completely stupid and getting herself killed or worse._

 _As the car pulled in front of her brother's house Jessie seemed to finally get sick of his muttering and ranting. As soon as he killed the engine she turned to him, drunk anger fueling her dumb bravery. "What the fuck is your issue Gat? Yeah driving drunk would have been fucking stupid but something else is fucking with you and has been since we took over Ultor. I dunno what the fuck your issue but if you ain't gonna fucking tell me then the least you could fucking do is tell me when I am doing something to make you be a complete jackass so I can tell you why I am."_

 _Johnny's eyes widened momentarily as she went off on him, partially in regards to what she called him. She had always called him Johnny, ever since the day he showed up at her house uninvited cause he thought she was a Roller spying on the Saints. No matter what had happened up to this point he had always been Johnny to the leader of the Saints. He stared at her for a moment before just slipping out of the car, heading for the trunk. He had already fucked this night up, yelling at her and getting her to go off on him, but hopefully she would take his gift despite him being an asshole. As he pulled the hard guitar case from the trunk he felt the car shift as Jessie got out. A soft, almost inaudible swear came from Jessie, a sound that had him looking around the trunk to see her holding onto the side of the car. A sigh escaped him as he put the case on the ground and shut the trunk. He held out a hand, almost relieved when she took it and he could guide back to assist her onto the trunk of the car._

 _"_ _Look... Jess... I know I have been a bit of a dick. I'm just got a lot on my mind and one of the things is keeping your naïve ass from ending up messed up. Anyways I got you something for your birthday and I had planned on giving it to you after the party had ended. Then you tried to do something dumb and I lost my temper... I'm sorry. Here."Johnny said once she had settled, handing her a instrument case. He watched as she raised her eyebrow at him before opening it. He already knew the instrument better than he should since he couldn't play to save his life. Gold and purple bands alternating down the neck, with the Saints fleur prominent in various areas. He noticed her squinting and smiled as he realized she had found then inscription but was too messed up to read it. He leaned over and tapped each letter as he read it aloud to her. "The Boss, A Pure Saint."_

 _The resulting giggle relieved the stress of her not liking it as she looked up to him with a smile. She put the guitar in it's case carefully before setting both beside her on the trunk. "Thanks Johnny. Sorry I blew up on you. Now... can you help me get inside without alerting my brother that I am so stoned off my ass I can't walk in a straight line if I tried?"_


	9. Chapter 8

_**Present Day Zin Ship**_

The sound of a very familiar tune pulled Johnny's mind from the memories of past, his eyes widening as he recognized it as his birthday tune she had personally wrote him. A wicked grin crossed his lips before he started to rap, somehow remembering lyrics from so long ago. He watched as everyone blinked at the random performance, knowing everyone would get moving to the tunes coming from the guitar. At first everyone acted like they didn't know how to move to music, all of them just glancing at one another until the little nerdy chic everyone called Kinzie started dancing. He heard the chuckle sounding beside him which caused his grin to get wider, knowing that Jessie always loved people enjoying the music she made. He almost laughed himself as the little woman managed to get the former stoner Shaundi to start dancing with her, the action slowly pulling others into it.

As Jessie moved into another, more fast paced one he almost let out a laugh, recognizing that tune off the bat as one written for one of his freestyles, he nearly missed as Asha and Matt started dancing. He raised an eyebrow playfully before letting out with a new rap about killing Zin, almost thankful when King stopped Peirce from joining in as everyone treated the impromptu music as a dance party. He had a feeling everyone needed this blow off of steam and he was happy to help while exposing the artist that Jessie really was under her calculating as a gang leader.

As the second song ended Johnny watched as she carefully laid the guitar down beside her, clearly marking it as hers even as she smirked at everyone. He could see the nervousness she hid under her bangs, a sign she wasn't even sure they enjoyed it. A part of him ached at seeing that insecurity, knowing she was good enough to be in a band if she hadn't joined the Saints. He was quiet as she looked over everyone, some true happiness at everyone's genuine laughter showing on her face before she raised an eyebrow. "You fuckers happy now? I just ruined my whole I'm-a-badass thing just to play you idiots some tunes I personally wrote."

Kinzie let out a giggle that sounded like a little school girl as King shook his head, surprise showing clearly on the mogul's face. "Girl... I thought your only skill was fucking up a motherfucker's day. You have proved me straight wrong. I gotta know how the only jackass to find out was the crazy fucker that wanted to kill me originally."

Johnny glanced up at her with a grin as she reached out with a foot and poked him with her toe, her laughter causing his heart to beat with it's actual happiness. "Cause this crazy fucker originally thought I was a Roller and followed me home. Then he kept showing up when I was gone and found me playing when I thought I would be alone."

Johnny shrugged as everyone let out a laugh at her description, grinning at the others as Kinzie and Asha walked up to pick on him for being more paranoid than they were. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Jessie slip from her seat, keeping the guitar with her as she walked off. He had a feeling he knew where she was going and decided to fuck around and crack jokes with the others for a moment, giving her some time to be alone. All this time had passed and he still knew how much she loved her personal alone time, with him being the only one who could interrupt it without pissing her off most of the time.

After a bit everyone started separating, some going through the crates while Kinzie and Matt went to typing on their laptops. He quietly left everyone and headed for the cockpit, the only room he could think of that Jessie would find the most calming. As he stepped through the door he saw her, her eyes staring at the guitar though distant as if her mind was off in thought. He had a good guess where her mind was, his own superimposing the birthday guitar he had gotten her.

 **(Sorry for the long absence. Between no motivation and more I just could not make myself write anything. I hope this chapter makes up for being such a bad author and I promise I will try to finish this one and all my others very soon.)**


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